the second most important day of her life

walking into the church was a time-warp. it was dizzying. everywhere i would look i would see the ghost of someone from the past, or myself, praying the sinner's prayer, just one more time. or myself being baptized. i was baptized twice, because i was never quite sure when i was saved. because even though Baptists preach "once saved always saved" there is the caveat that maybe you didn't mean it the first time, or the last time. so i got saved just about every Sunday, and every year at camp. each time more sincere than the last. the first most important day of my life. time, or death, will tell if any of them stuck (not that i believe those things about salvation anymore).

so, as i said in earlier posts, i haven't seen J or her brothers, J and J, since we were in high school. i have known them since i was 2. they are my oldest friends. it is probably for the best that we skipped out on over a decade of each other's lives. even though they missed some of the craziest, and most defining years of my life, they know things about me that nobody else does. we are all so different. there is so much to write, but i want to keep it semi-private, as i have no idea who reads this blog.

J is tiny. probably 5'. she makes me feel tall. she found a simple, silk dress with a halter that she fell in love with. she wore silver shoes that were made for a child (by Cupcake Connection, or something like it). her hair was down, in simple curls, with a tiara and a veil made by her aunt. she looked like a Barbie doll. the whole ensemble was perfect for her.

there were 6 bridesmaids total. four were her new sisters-in-laws. two of us were actually her friends. the best man was actually a woman. i recognized her from Montevallo and somehow she remembered my dreams of becoming a political speech writer (whatever happened to that? oh yeah, UNC didn't offer me any money to go and i went to my fall-back. anyway). she was sort of masculine and made all the bridesmaids uncomfortable. even though i'm not super keen on confrontational people, i kind of liked her. i could see why J (the husband) was friends with her and wanted her support on his big day. one of the bridesmaids, J (ha!), was like an amazon. the wife of a corporeal, deployed at the moment. the mother of the flower girl and ring bearer. she bossed everyone around and almost always stood with one hip cocked to the side. she loved to mention that her husband was a corporeal. and how much she paid for her shoes. on sale, for $44. her toes were, no joke, purple by the end of the day. she told us bridesmaids to take off our hose. yeah right, pregnant girl is not taking off her hose. i've got to hold it together in my not-maternity outfit. i just looked at her like she was crazy and wore them anyway. she would say throughout the day, "well, it's not my wedding."

i was the only non-smoker, aside from the kids, and was left several times in the bridal suite while everyone went out for some "fresh" air. J took no less than 3 prescription relaxers while getting ready. i can't say anything though, i downed 2/3 a bottle of rum on my wedding day i was so nervous. i had so much adrenaline that it didn't seem to affect me at all. (best.day.of.my.life).

i was the only bridesmaid not in a dress. i definitely felt like an after-thought (which, technically, i was). i stood by the bride anyway, wearing a floral skirt that she picked out, an ivory tanktop, and a brown shawl. i was sporting the librarian-goes-Matron-of-Honor look, while everyone else looked a little more traditional. the men wore dark brown pinstripe tuxes and kept making jokes about Cedric the Entertainer. the stage was decorated with ferns, sitting on christmas plates, with fake hydrangeas popping out of them.

J was walked down by her father, Pastor C. he began the ceremony with a sermon, ending in the same sinner's prayer he's always offered up. it made me feel a little bit sick as he was saying the words that the forlorn were supposed to repeat. ending with "everyone's heads bowed, eyes closed, no one looking please. if you prayed that prayer, just look up, catch my eye, and look back down. God bless you. God bless you."

the rest of the ceremony was pretty standard. scripture about being a good wife/husband. lighting the unity candle to a Rascal Flats song. they kissed, were introduced as Mr and Mrs. J S (i kid you not both families are full of Js). we walked out to a John Denver song.

the reception was simple, decorations of fake flowers (all the flowers were) and vines sat on the tables. J's oldest brother, J, works at Whole Foods and brought tons of fruit, the best food there. being around them made me miss them so much. it must have been a hard day, too, because they've all failed their very religious parents in various ways. little brother J brought his boyfriend, and mostly everyone was nice to him. their dad just kept saying how "untraditional" the day was. there was no dancing, they are Baptists, afterall.

they left to the sound of tiny plastic bells, hopping into J's truck and going off for their staycation honeymoon. i'm supposed to meet them at the zoo sometime this week. they want to take F.

it was a sweet day, and i hope they have a nice life together.

even though our wedding was nothing like theirs, it made me nostalgic.

for now, it's cold, and i'm hungry. going to watch Law & Order with the man and go to sleep. i'll post some pictures later. the toddler is asleep. she hasn't nursed since yesterday at 3pm. this is the first whole day we've got without nursing. a little sad, but i'm glad she's finally giving it up.

xoxo,

a